Percy Ignatius Weasley Needs A Girl Friend
by Black Lightning Bulb
Summary: Just something silly.  Hermione and Ron are getting married, but Mrs. Weasley needs to know that every one of her babies will be giving her pretty red headed granbabies.  And thus the screening process begins.
1. Milly

Just some randomness. I hope you all enjoy. R&R please.

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Chapter OneMilly

Ever since the final showdown at Hogwarts, the Weasleys had become a closer family. It's not that they weren't close before, it was that now Percy was back in the fold. Percy had expected grief for his "betrayal;" whether it be in arguments or in teasing, he expected it. Much like everyone else, though, he didn't know when. Much like everyone else, he'd expected George and Fred to be there to torment and tease him, not just George. They had all watched as George became holed up in his room, only coming out to get meals and for Fred's funeral. They didn't find out until two months after Fred's death that George had continued on with the business of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, sending his staff parcels of everything they made every week, the most popular items twice a week or as needed. When Ron had asked why, George had just shrugged. _Fred wouldn't have wanted it to stop, we both knew people would need a laugh now more than ever._ After eight months he had come out of his room with a smile, seen Percy and turned grim. _So you've come crawling back? _Everyone in the room had turned to where George was standing, and Percy had started wringing his hands. _It's about time you stupid git! _George had said laughing the whole time, punching him lightly in the arm.

That's when the Weasley family knew that it was time to go on living without forgetting.

A few months later Charlie came home, saying that he was getting serious with one of the nurses he had met at St. Mungo's hospital, and wanted to be closer to her. He got a job at the ministry and lived in the Burrow for a while. So everyone was back, either living in the Burrow, or, in Bill's case, coming for Friday dinner and Sunday brunch. It was when Ron and Hermione announced that they were getting married that Mrs. Weasley started to panic. The only one who didn't have someone to "make grandbabies with" as she put it was Percy. Which meant that Percy became a main target of Molly Weasley's attentions.

At first, none of the Weasley clan knew what Molly was doing. Ginny and Hermione were busy planning the wedding, Bill and Fleur were busy still being in their honeymoon stage. Ron and Harry (who Molly had made clear years ago was part of the family) were busy trying not to anger Hermione, who was stressed from planning the wedding. Charlie was always off doing work or wooing his nurse. George was running the shop. Percy was working doing Lord knows what at the ministry. Molly however, was kept busy, and no one knew what she was doing. Whenever anyone asked what was keeping her busy, she would just mutter "I have a deadline to keep up with."

It wasn't until one Friday night dinner six months before the wedding did they find all find out.

"Hermione, be a dear and get that pie out of the oven, I just can't focus tonight." Molly said, speeding her wand up to chop the lettuce in front of her faster. Hermione walked over the oven quickly, opening it before Molly interjected "No, no, use your wand."

Ginny laughed as Hermione nervously produced her wand. Last time she had tried to get a pie out of the oven she had dropped it on her head. "Molly, why are you so flustered tonight?" Hermione asked, trying to get her distracted enough so that she could give Ginny the signal to pull it out for her.

Molly smiled to herself, moving the lettuce in to a large bowl. "That's a surprise. Ginny, be a dear and go call Percy, make sure he gets here on time." Ginny shot Hermione an apologetic look as she walked out. "Tell him to look presentable!"

"Tell who to look presentable?" Ron asked. He walked in, Harry trailing behind him, seeing Hermione trying to get the pie out walked far out of range. "Do I have to look presentable? Cause Mum, our views of presentable are completely different, and I think I look quite dashing." He walked over to Hermione, who had gotten the oven open. "Hello love." He kissed her on the cheek, looked to make sure his Mom's back was turned and moved the pie with his wand himself.

"No, Ron, you don't have to look presentable, just passable. And stop helping Hermione. What is she going to do if you're out of town for work?" Molly asked, slapping him lightheartedly on the arm.

"Where's Ginny?" Harry asked, before Hermione could interject her opinion.

"Right here." George said, entering the kitchen followed by Ginny, who sat by Harry. "What's for dinner Mum, I'm starved."

"When's Percy going to get here?" Molly asked, ignoring George.

Ginny shrugged. "His secretary said he had just left. That he was going to stop at home for a few minutes just to drop some things off, then coming straight here."

"And here I am." Percy said, coming in through the hallway. He gave his mother a kiss, but before he could get away she pulled him back to stand in front of her. "Mum, what in the world are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm fixing you up. You look a right mess." She fixed his hair quickly with a flick of her wrist, then tucked his shirt in with another. "A guest is coming tonight, I just want you to look nice."

"Look nice? Why am I the only one who has to look nice?" Percy asked.

"Where are Fleur and Bill? I know Charlie said he might be a little late." Molly muttered, flicking her wrist towards a pile of vegetables.

"Molly, dear, please calm down." Arthur said. "Milly said she would be here shortly, just had to file some things for Girsel."

Molly beamed, "How delightful. I'm so glad she could make." She bustled everyone standing to the table, dumping the chopped vegetables in to the salad and bringing it with her.

"Who's Milly?" George asked, waving to Bill and Fleur who just walked in.

"Just someone who I work with in the office." Arthur said. "Your mother wanted me to invite her."

Everyone looked at each other, silently questioning if any of them knew what was going on. There was a knocking at the door and Molly squealed. "Oh, that should be her, everyone sit down please. Thank you." Molly ran out which left everyone to finally talk.

"Why is Mum bringing your co-workers to eat with us?" Ginny asked.

"Well I-"

"Do you think she's making up for only havin' one daughter?" Bill asked.

"No she 'az tree." Fluer said huffily.

They heard chatter from the hallway and George hurriedly said, "So, we have a new product on the line. Truly excited about it. Screaming Jellies. You pop one in your mouth and-"

"Everyone," Molly said, interrupting George midsentance. "This is Milly."

"Hullo." Milly said, giving a small wave. She was a small girl, with Asian features who was in Muggle clothes. She had dark eyes and hair, and red glasses that made the deep brown stand out. She started playing with a strand of pearls nervously as the Weasley clan gave her a once over.

Molly coughed very deliberately, startling everyone and making them all say hello in unison. "Why don't you go sit by Percy, scoot your chair over please, George dear. Thank you." She pulled a chair out for Milly who sat, still fiddling with her pearls. "Well, dig in." Molly said, clapping her hands together as she sat down.

As people started serving themselves, George continued on. "So anyway, Screaming Jellies. I have a feeling they'll be a new favorite among the Wheezes fan base. You pop them in your mouth and you start screaming like a banshee. I plan on trying to figure out how to make them say things soon."

"You're George Weasley?" Milly asked, finally losing her nervous demeanor. "I mean I knew you were a Weasley, but you're George? My little brother loves your stuff. He's quite the little troublemaker around our town. He can't help it, though. He particularly fancies the Headless Hats. He isn't supposed to, but during Halloween he walks around town with it on, all the Muggles give him copious amounts of candy because of it. Think the hat is being held up by a wire."

George smiled broadly. "Those were my idea. I'm glad he gets a kick out of them. If you give me his address I could send him a pack, free of charge."

Before Milly could answer Molly turned toward Percy, "Milly works with your father, Percy, isn't that lovely? What do you do again dear?"

"Oh, well I just sort through stuff, do some scouting for new items. Its because my Da was Muggle-born. A computer analyist. So I know a lot about both worlds really." She said nervously, obviously not liking being put on the spot.

"See Percy isn't that lovely? You and Milly have so much in common, working for the Ministry and all." Molly said, smiling at Percy.

"Uh, yeah. Real nice." Percy said, quite confused by his mother's behavior. "So do you travel a lot with your job and all?" Percy asked, but Milly was deep in conversation with George who was moving his hands around in excited gestures.

On the other side of the table Ron, Arthur, Ginny, Hermione, and Harry were deep in conversation. "I think Mum is trying to set Percy up." Ginny whispered.

"Well, she was talking about grandbabies again yesterday." Ron added.

"Well, I think your mother just wants to see all of you happy." Arthur said, nodding towards the mashed potatoes. "Pass those over here, Harry. There's a lad."

"Well, why not bring two girls, then?" Harry asked.

"Cause she figures Percy is the oldest. Ron already ruined the order. It should have been Bill, Charlie, then Percy." Hermione said. "And I figure she's just happy Charlie's getting serious enough to move back home for her. Now she's just waiting for a proposal."

"Hello everyone." Charlie called out. "Wicked day at the office, some girl decided she wanted a dragon and-" Charlie walked in and saw Milly and stopped talking. "Oh, hello."

"Hello." Milly said, turning back to continue her talking.

"George, dear, make room for Charlie." Molly said, moving some empty dishes to the sink.

George stood up, pulling Milly's chair out. "Well, Mum, dinner was great but Milly and I were gonna head out. I was gonna take her over to the store so we could get some stuff for her brother."

"Oh," Molly said dejectedly, frowning. "Alright then. Feel free to come back anytime, Milly."

"Of course, thank you for dinner." Milly was able to manage before George grabbed her hand and they disappeared.

"Mum, what was that about?" Percy asked. "We never invite people over unless it's a big occasion."

Molly Weasley stood up, ignoring his question entirely. "Who wants pie?"

Percy sighed standing up. "I've got work I have to catch up on, Mum. I'll see you Sunday." He got up nodding to everyone and Apparated.

"Are you trying to set Percy up with someone, Mum?" Ginny asked.

"Eez it because ou want more girlz en ze family?" Fluer asked.

"No, no, no. If I explain it to any of you for all I know it'll turn up in the Daily Prophet." She walked towards the back door, opening it and calling out, "Serve the pie yourselves."

"Oh yeah." Ron said, "She's definitely trying to set him up with a lady."

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This is partially based off a conversation I had with a friend, it started off with us talking about how Percy was back in the Weasley folds and how he would maybe loosen up some. She also edited it, so go check out her stuff. Much better then mine. She is LoverFaery. Really, go check it out, she is ten times the writer I am. 


	2. Charlene

I'm glad everyone liked it so much, or the six people who said something, but to me thats a lot because only big fancy people get tons of reviews. Supposedly it got 219 page views though, so if you looked at it, read it, liked it, and didn't say anything shame on you. Just say good job. Or tell me it was shit, feedback is what I pretend to live for. So here is chapter two.

It occurred to me just now maybe people didn't like it because of the mary sue's, but really folks, thats the whole point. There are only so many people mentioned in Harry Potter that are (A) legal and (B) not in Slytherin. So I am done ranting, thankyou for reviewing if you did, I quite appreciate it.

Also I just recieved a particularly nasty review, or what I demeed nasty, about what I just said. If you don't like the Mary Sue's then don't read this. Also many of you have brought up Penelope Clearwater. I know she exists and I do actually have plans for her. The whole point of this story is to do Mary Sue's who are extremely annoying and Hogwarts students who are extremely annoying. So please don't bite my head off!

Okay I just got another anon review, and really i guess i said you could review and say if it was shit. But who really actually wants to be told there work is shit. Its more of curtesy. There honestly will be Hogwarts people. Really, there will be. So please, please,_** PLEASE**_ there is always a reason for the people I put in. Honest to God there is. So just take the OCness as it comes. There is a reason why there are other stories.

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Chapter Two Charlene 

So now that everyone in the Weasley family, except Percy, was clued in on what Molly was doing. When George got back the next morning, and was given discreet winks from Ron and Harry, Ginny filled him in on all of the details. He laughed hysterically at the whole thing, banging the table with his hand in his delight. "God this is hilarious. Better then anythin' I could cook up." He looked around, craning his neck so he could look into the kitchen from where they were outside. "Did she leave already?"

Hermione nodded, pouring herself some more tea. "She said she was going to go crib shopping with Fluer."

"Bet you she brings home one of the shopping ladies." Ron said with his mouthful. "She'll say that the unlucky girl is some old family friend or something of the like, and then she'll do that thing that she did with Milly. So Sales Lady you work at a crib store, how lovely, isn't that lovely Percy?" They all laughed at his imitation of her, and he went on. "But really, how many of these girls is she going to bring in?"

"I'd go with three a week." Harry said.

"Are we actually going to bet?" George asked. "Cause I'll wager a dance in my knickers at there wedding," he pointed at Hermione and Ron, "that she brings home four every week."

Ron shook his head, scarfing down another piece of toast. "Nah, when Mum wants something Mum does anything she can. I go with one a day."

Ginny laughed, "You all are off your rockers. She is only going to bring one a week, when all the family is together. If Sunday brunch or Friday dinner goes well they'll come again."

"Why are you letting him bet on our wedding?" Hermione asked, slightly flabbergasted.

Ron bit his cheek before saying, "It's not on our wedding, its on one dance."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Fine then. You aren't allowed to bet then. I don't want you dancing around in your skivvies at our reception."

George smirked, "So I'll get in contact with Charlie and Bill, maybe Lee Jordan, and we will get this pool up and running."

It was Friday night again, and as Ginny had predicted Molly Weasley had brought another woman in to there home. "Oh everyone, this is Charlene. She's Colleen Arnett's daughter, she works over at Flourish and Blotts. Isn't that exciting?" No one was really paying attention to what she was saying though; they were all looking Charlene over. This was because Charlene was dressed in slim to nothing. Her dress hemline was barely existent, and her cleavage was popping out.

"Your dress is a very nice shade of green." Arthur said a red flush creeping up his neck.

Charlene grinned. "You really think so? My girl friend Gemma said it was an awful shade, but I liked it, looked nice with my eyes. My other girl friend Cindy agreed with me, said it made my eyes just pop!"

"I don't know whats moving more, her mouth or her boobs." Ginny whispered to Hermione who nodded. Hermione looked over towards Ron who was staring at her breasts, and smacked him on the back of the head. He gave her an apologetic look and she just glared.

"Well I think that dress really does make your eyes pop." Molly said beaming, obviously not noticing the effects it had on her family. "Why don't you have a seat by Percy, right over there? He's the red headed one." She laughed at her own joke, bustling Charlene her over to where Percy was sitting with his mouth slightly open. "Well Percy say hello."

"Hello." He said idiotically, looking at her boobs like a man who has been in jail for twenty years.

Charlene sat down; completely oblivious to the attention she was drawing. "Hi! I've seen you around F and B before. You, um, normally come in for the, oh what is it? I don't know it's that smart people stuff I'm not really for that kind of stuff. I like looking at the fashion magazines whenever I can. Witches Wardrobe is my favorite. They always talk about the newest styles and the best places to shop for them. Oh, my other girl friend Danni writes for them. She goes to all the fashion shows and rates the newest robes. She sometimes is able to get me a free set. I'm all about fashion though, and muggles honestly have the best clothes. They are so pretty! Have you ever seen them, well obviously you have, everyone has. I do really like Magically, it's a new line of robes. They are so cute and colorful! They have this really cute set that has lace with it They magically age it so it looks more rustic which is all of the rage. Everything has always really had to pop! You understand what I'm saying? Oh and Herminny, the wedding robes are absolutely stunning this year! They are just absolutely adorable! I personally like the ones by La Vour, but you have probably been looking at this type of things since you were little, just like me. I've had my wedding planned out since before I could talk. I would want to wear a La Vour, duh, who wouldn't? My bridesmaids of course would have to wear that line by La Vour called Clandestine. It's new of course. It's made exactly for bridesmaids. So they'll look pretty but won't upstage the bride. Isn't that just wicked?"

Hermione smiled, "That really is just wicked."

"This is the part in the muggle movies where people the guy would say check." Arthur muttered to Harry, who nodded. He hadn't realized that one could say so much in such a short amount of time. Molly had only managed to get chicken on everyone's plate by the time Charlene had gotten half way through her triad.

"Oh, Mrs. W, could you just give me like a fourth of a piece? I'm trying to drop some pounds. I really need to start losing more. I would never want to gain weight." They all heard something buzzing and Charlene pulled her wand out, tapping it twice against the table. A ribbon of pink came out and formed two lips.

"Charlene its Bonnie! We were going to grab some Fizzing Fire whiskeys down at Bando's. Please, please, please come! We so have to talk about that ugly thing Harriet was wearing today at work. Gross! Well, we're already here, so just poof over. You Fizzy will be ready!"

The lips disappeared, and Charlene stood up. "Oh my God, I am so sorry to cut out, but it is so important as you can tell. It was nice meeting all of you!" Then with one last wave of her fingers she disappeared.

"Well that one failed with flying colors." Ginny said, holding up a bowl of peas. "Anyone want some?"

"Excuse me." Percy said, a blush still on his face as he stood up, covering his waist with his hands. "I'll see you Sunday." He disappeared.

Molly frowned, her bottom lip starting to quiver. "I'll be in my room." She said finally, running upstairs.

"Molly darling!" Mr. Weasley called out after her, chasing her.

Ginny smiled weakly, "Peas?"


	3. Susan

I know, its been an awfully long time. I've been busy with school stuff and then I just didn't write for a while. I'm back though. School is back too after a nice winter break, but all good things must come to an end.

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Susan

When Susan Bones showed up on the doorstep of the Burrow Friday night, George didn't question it at all. "Bonesy! Did Ginny invite you over for dinner?" He moved out of the doorway and let the girl in.

"No, your mum did. I thought it was weird but mums are like that, right?" She twirled a strand of hair around her finger and nodded her head upward. "Is Ginny in her room?"

George nodded, a secret smile on his face. "Yeah, yeah. You won't even have to worry about her and Harry having a grope fest or nothing cause he's out tasting wines for the wedding with dad and Ron."

Susan laughed, "Yeah, how nasty would that be." She walked up the stairs and turned around, "Speakin' of, you still shagging the Asian from your dad's department?"

George laughed uneasily. "Uh, nah. Why'd you ask Bonesy?"

Before Susan could answer Ginny came down the stairs with Hermione, both of them noticing her and looking confused. Then confusion turned into peals of laughter. "Susan!" Ginny exclaimed, running down the remaining stairs and hugging Susan. "Aw, you poor dear. If I didn't invite you I know who did. Poor Bonesy. You have no idea what you're in for."

Susan knitted her eyebrows in confusion as she looked between the two giggling girls. "What are you goin' on about? You're starting to freak me out."

"Sorry. It's just too wicked." Both of them started cracking up even harder as George stood examining Susan. "No really, it's quite hilarious."

"Well this is great and all, but my leg is starting to hurt. Could we sit somewhere?" She rubbed her leg, unaware, until Ginny tapped her shoulder. She stopped and sat down on the steps. "So when do I get to hear the inside joke?"

"She's trying to set you up." George offered. He scratched the back of his neck and looked at the wall above Susan's head.

Susan smiled at him. "I might not be opposed to that." She flicked her eyebrows up suggestively and saw George's ear turn red.

Ginny watched the interaction and nudged Hermione. "It's with Percy, Bonesy. You know, Percy, my older brother, Percy."

Susan blanched. "Percy? When I was a second year he turned me in to a prefect for Hufflepuff. I don't even remember what for but I had to do detention for weeks. Holy shit." Susan looked at them all and bit her lip. "That's the inside joke, then?"

"Susan, is that you?" They all turned toward the hall, watching as Mrs. Weasley came down the hall with a bag of groceries still in hand. "Oh, it is you!" She exclaimed, shoving the bag at George, who stumbled under the new and surprising weight. Mrs. Weasley hugged Susan, managing to lift her up in the process. "So good of you to come. Look at you love, you look a little piqued darling. Come, come, let's get you some tea. Ginny, Hermione, come help with dinner. If we all pitch in it will be done when your dad and Percy and Bill and Charlie get home. That's in maybe ten to fifteen minutes. Good thing we're having pasta." She walked Susan down the hall and she looked back at all of them with a 'Dear God help me you ass wipes' look. None of them helped.

Fifteen minutes later everyone was seated and Ginny was setting the last plate of food on the table. "Dig in, everyone!" Mrs. Weasley said as she started to pass plates. "So, Susan, what have you been up to?"

Susan smiled, "Oh, just working at St. Mungo's right now. I work in the cafeteria at the moment. Only until I'm certified to work with the patients."

"Oh. that's lovely, isn't that just lovely Percy?" Mrs. Weasley asked, nudging Percy with her elbow.

"If you figure out how to do ear implants I'll give you free Weasley's Wizard Wheezes products for life." George laughed.

"George!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "I'm terribly sorry, Susan dear. George just doesn't know what is appropriate and what isn't."

"Ten sickles Susan and George make an exit to go get drinks." Ron whispered to Harry.

"Not worth it, we both know how it's going to turn out." Harry responded.

"Now I have to figure it out. I've always wanted a free supply." Susan responded, winking at him.

Percy turned to Charlie and rolled his eyes. "Why the hell does Mum keep bringing these girls home?"

Charlie smiled, "No idea, Percy. No idea."

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Look, this good thing has come to and end too. Sure you might not think its good, but I had fun writing it. If you think its good though: you should tell me. If you don't think its good: you should tell me! Which simply puts means review. Thank you! 


	4. Doctor Not Date

Hello, I know it has been a while since an update. I've just been busy with tying up lose ends and am back again! Hopefully the story will be done by the end of the summer, but no promises. Thank you. Please follow the fun rules: READ AND REVIEW. It is very flattering if I get a favorite author/favorite story/update story subject in my in box, but if I get feed back I can write more! Thank you!

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Chapter 4-Doctor, not Date

Percy was sitting in his apartment sorting over some files a coworker had sent him earlier this morning. He had stayed home sick, hoping that the throwing up would stop in a few hours and he could go to work. This plan hadn't worked though, and since he was sick of sitting in the bathroom hugging the toilet seat like it was his best friend. He managed to get up long enough to walk over to the fireplace and grab his floo powder. He threw some into the fire and waited a few seconds for it to turn green. "Floo Network Authority Clarence speaking, how may I help you?" An old nasally voice asked.

"Mercy Clinic. Please, hurry." Percy groaned, doubled over in pain and feeling his face pale.

"I'm sorry sir; you're going to have to speak up."

"I said the freaking Mercy Clinic!" Percy screamed,

"Alright sir, please don't get upset. I'll check to see if there Floo connection is open. Let me put you on hold." He heard a pop and grabbed a garbage can, just in case the hold was long. Either he was going to puke do to the fact that he seemed deathly ill, or because of the cheesy music that was playing. "Alright sir, please through another pinch of Floo Powder in and then step into the fire. Repeat the name of-"

"I know how to use the Floo Network!" Percy roared, stepping inside. "Mercy Clinic!"

The last thing Percy heard was the woman snap at him, "Well excuse me Mr. High and mighty! I'm just doing my job!"

Percy stumbled out of the fire place at Mercy clinic on his knees, and puked into his trash can which had managed to make the journey with him. He felt someone started rubbing his back and saying something to calm him down. He couldn't hear and when he finally stopped the person helped him up. "Alright sir, I think we'll have you go- Percy!"

Percy looked up and saw Penelope Clearwater staring back at him. "Hi Penny." He said weakly before throwing up on the floor. "I think I'm sick."

"I think you're sick too." She started walking him towards a corridor and opened a door, lying him down on an exam table. "Alright, there you go. I'm just going to do a quick spell to hopefully get you of the nauseous." She pulled a wand out of her white robe and mumbled something flicking her wand towards his stomach. A few seconds later he motioned towards the garbage can in the corner which she quickly levitated over towards him and he proceeded to throw up into. "Oh Percy, I'm sorry. That should have done the trick. On the bright side it rules out natural causes."

"What's good about that?"

"Well, it just makes it easier to diagnose you. Could you sit up please?" Percy pushed himself up while Penelope made a stand appear. "I'm just going to check your heart rate and the check your blood pressure. Could you please take off your shirt?"

"You never had to ask before." Percy muttered, quickly tossing the shirt aside.

"Well, before I wasn't your doctor. Deep breathe in, hold it, and out." She put the stethescope down, grabbing a piece of paper. "Open your mouth please, thank you, lift up your tongue, thanks again, now close." She checked to make sure the tab of paper was sticking out of his mouth partially. "So I ran into your brother the other night."

She watched as Percy tried to talk and smiled. "New temperature strips. More for the kids. They have a charm on them, so that when they try to open there mouths, they can't. So anyway, I ran into Ron and Harry at a wine bar. Ron said he was tasting for his wedding to that Granger girl. That's all very good. He also mentioned something else-hold on let me check your temp, a bit of a fever nothing bad- her also said your Mum is trying to set you up."

Percy frowned, "What do you mean set me up?"

"Did you eat at a place called Bluster Diner anytime in the past 48 hours?"

"Yeah I went yesterday for lunch." Percy responded, but was a bit confused over what Penelope said. "What do you mean set me up?"

Penelope rolled her eyes. "You're still dense as ever when it comes to the personal sides of things aren't you? Like on a date, which could lead to marriage, and you know what Molly thinks will happen when a couple is married

"Why doesn't she set up George!" Percy exclaimed, but felt his stomach act up again. "Trash can." He said, pointing to it. Penelope handed it to him and puked again, wondering what had happened.

"She won't set up George because, well, lets face it; George has become one of the most eligible bachelors of the wizarding world." Penelope wrote something on her chart before walking over to a large cupboard and pulling something in a jar out. "This is a beozar stone. Bluster Diner was she down last this morning. Turns out one of the cooks was putting in the weird spice mixture, the ministry hasn't sorted it out yet. The beozar stone will absorb the poison, and you will feel better in no time. Just keep it easy on the food, start with crackers, and work your way up." She handed it to him and walked over to the sink, filling a glass of water. "Here you go."

He swallowed the beozar stone, chasing it down with water. "Thanks Penny."

"Penelope. I only let you get away with it out in the lobby because you were puking."

"Sorry Penelope."

"That's better."

Percy sat there for a moment before asking, "So, how have you been?"

Penelope shrugged. "_Scourgify_."

"You don't throw that stuff away?" Percy asked, eyeing the materials wearily.

Penelope sighed, starting to reseal the implements. "Percy, you're cured. You can go see the receptionist for the bill."

Percy frowned, staring at the back of her head as she continued to seal. "Are you still angry at what happened?"

"Not angry." Penelope said. She didn't say anything for a few moments before continuing, "You broke up with me. It happens to plenty of people, all the time. Someone is probably breaking up with someone else right now. The thing is Percy, you never forget your first love." Percy tried to open his mouth to say something but she beat him to it. "Please go and get your bill. We're short staffed today and it's very crowded."

Percy stood up, grabbing his shirt and putting it on and walking out of her office.

Percy walked into the burrow and saw exactly who he wanted to see sitting on the steps. "I know what Mum's up to you little shits." Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and George all looked at Percy with a bewildered look before it dawned upon them as to what was going on. "Yeah that's right. Who was participating in this hoax?"

"None of us." George said a large smiling breaking his face. "We just made a bet, that's all. Also, thank you, for having your head up your arse long enough for me to make a few galleons."

Percy scowled, stomping through the little path. "Shut up you freaking eligible bachelor."

They all watching him tromp up the stairs and heard the door of his room slam before Ginny asked, "What kind of insult is freaking eligible bachelor?"


	5. A Muggle Thing

Yeah, so this really late. I can't say when I'll update. I will honestly admit that it might not be for another long period of time. I hope you haven't grown to attatched

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Its Like That One Muggle Thing

Molly Weasley was frustrated, and when she became frustrated she did household things. Unfortunately she had already cleaned the halls, the bathrooms, the bedrooms, and any other room in the Burrow. She had dealt with gnomes in the garden and trimmed the lawn. She had done over five loads of laundry and had hung them up to dry. Now she was peeling potatoes for dinner and if anyone walked into the kitchen they would see that she was in an extremely irritated by the way the knife was not so much peeling the potatoes, but aggressively stabbing and cutting them. So Mrs. Weasley did what she always did when she was frustrated, she called in a friend who she could talk to and who could hopefully help her figure everything out. Unfortunately all of her friends seemed to be doing one thing or another so the only people she had were Hermione, Ginny, and Fluer.

"I just don't understand it!" She finally exclaimed, taking her frustration out on some innocent carrots. "What has been wrong with the girls that I have been bringing home for Percy?"

"Well I don't really think they're his type Molly." Hermione said, in a tone that seemed a bit tentative as she watched a potato get shredded into a sliver.

"Oui, Molly. Zey all seemed quite wrong." Fluer seconded, looking at her nails in disinterest. She had arrived early from the bank for Friday night dinner and had been drawn into Molly's long continuous, questioning rant and had gotten bored after the third time her mother in-law had asked the previous question.

Everything in the kitchen seemed to stop and Molly looked at the three girls with a defeated look on her face. "What am I supposed to do? I just want him to be happy which he obviously isn't, all he does is work."

Ginny tried to suppress the need to roll her eyes and instead replied, in what she hoped was not a sarcastic tone, "Mum, I think Percy likes to work. I do believe Percy is quite attached to his work in an almost demented way."

"Thats exactly why I know he's unhappy Ginerva." Molly stated in a matter of fact manner. "I just need to figure out the perfect girl for him."

"Molly maybe you should let Percy find the perfect girl for himself." Hermione suggested.

Mrs Weasley looked at Hermione as if she had a third horn out of her head. "One day, hopefully soon," she added quickly, "You will understand the need to guide your children in the right direction."

Hermione blushed a deep crimson and Fluer said, "My daughter will not need zis. Ma cherie will know the meaning of que sera, sera." Fluer immediately regretted saying this as Molly started eyeing her stomach. "Molly, I am not yet having the bun in an oven."

Ginny stated pleasantly, "Personally I think Percy should just pull some strings at the Ministry to make marrying inanimate objects legal so he can just marry his desk and be done with it."

"Ginerva!"

"Mum, its the truth."

"Whats the truth?" Ron asked as he walked in to the kitchen, giving Hermione a quick kiss on the cheek and grabbing an apple from the counter.

"Your sister seems to think that Percy should marry his desk." Molly fumed angrily.

Ron thought about it for a few seconds before saying, "Well, maybe you should try that new thing."

"Thank you sweet heart that really narrows it down."

"Its that profiling service, it matches up single witches with single wizards based on a profile you set up."

Ginny nodded in agreement with Ron, "Its like that one muggle thing Mum, and lots of those people look quite happy. Maybe you should suggest it to him." She looked over at Ron and muttered darkly, "Though we both know he would be happier with his desk."

The wheels in Molly's head where already turning. She knew her son better then he knew himself (though Percy might disagree with this statement) and knew exactly what he needed in a girl. The only way Percy would find a girl is if she found one for him, and she just needed someone to help her out a bit. With that Molly's mood went from frustrated to inspired, and the potatoes got peeled in a normal fashion.


End file.
